October 7 2011

I weighed yesterday and lost 4lbs. I am happy that I am getting back down to my goal weight.

I am wondering is the payoff though that I am going to be tired all the time? Still have to take oodles of meds? If that is the case I know in my heart is was a great decision and am happy that I am thinner now than when I was in high school.

When do I get to feel happy?

Sept 27 2011

I am waiting on my dad to get dressed so I can start to get ready to make the long trip to Little Rock. I am having to go back so Dr. Baker can look at my bottom wound and see why it isn't healing. My bottom wound is still open and seems to be getting bigger and deeper.

I just have this sinking feeling he will be putting me back in the hospital. It seems every time I go back to him with some problem with a wound that is what he does then he goes in and cleans it up. I am hoping he will just do this in office this time. But I am not anticipating this.

I am also a little scared to see him since I have been gaining a little weight and I don't like it. I know he can't be too happy about it but he hasn't gotten on to me about it. So we will see.

Lots for him to look at. So here we go.

Sept. 24 2011

I have to go back to Little Rock on Tuesday because my bottom sore isn't getting better if anything it is getting worse. I am not looking forward to it because I know Dr. Baker isn't going to be happy and also I have gained some weight. Yes I was supposed to but I have gained more that I was supposed to.

If I could get rid of the munchies it would help a lot but for some reason I am always hungry. I need to learn some skills so when they hit I can just put them out of my mind. It is salty food so it doubles the problem because I retain water then. I tried to snack on celery the other day but it just wasn't the same as chips. Maybe next time I will try dipping it in salsa because I did that once and it wasn't to bad.

I just have this feeling he is going to put me in the hospital and clean it there. I am hoping he will just scrape it in the office but it has been my experience that he doesn't do that. But hope springs eternal.

So think of me in your thoughts and prayers that on Tuesday I get to come home.

July 19, 2011

Okay the time is running short. I have just 1 day before my surgery. I meet with Dr. Baker tomorrow at 3:00 and we will go over the final things. I hope the Mercy Systems were able to get the stuff faxed to him today.

I am wondering how much I am going to lose in this surgery. I am already below my goal weight and have been told to gain weight. So we will see how much more I have to gain. Last time I weighed it was at 170. I have a hard time wrapping my head around that sometimes I mean going from 442 to 170. That is just crazy.

I hope the same problems I had last time don't surface this time but I have faith that Dr. Baker knows what he is doing to prevent it from happening. I am guessing he will immediately put me on home health. But we will see. I will be going out to Mom and Dad's for awhile to make sure the same problems that happened last time don't happen again.

So I am a bit nervous I mean isn't everyone going into surgery but I have confidence in my doctor and I have confidence in God that it will all work out in the end.

July 2 2011

I am in a weird situation I actually have to gain weight. When I weighed on Thursday my weight according to the BMI was right in the normal range. I am no longer overweight, obese, or morbidly obese.

I have been told that I actually need to gain a few pounds. I can't remember a time in my life I have ever had to gain weight. So I have been trying to eat even though I'm not hungry. Today I did get hungry a couple of times so I ate. I grilled fajitas and that was good. Tomorrow I am going to grill steak and onions. Can you tell I just got a grill LOL? I spent my fun money on it. I have been drooling on the smells coming from my neighbor's grill all spring/summer so finally gave in and bought one.

So here's hoping having a grill and having fun things to grill on it will help me gain weight.

April 8, 2011

I know I haven't been blogging a lot lately and I am sorry for that. Life just gets in the way sometimes.

Since the last time I blogged I have gone under 200lbs and am now 8lbs until goal. My goal is 180.

I used to be a 6x and am now a size 12. The first time I tried on the 12's and they fit I almost cried. I don't remember the last time wore a size 12. Maybe elementary school.

I have always been the fat one in the family and am trying to wrap my mind around the fact that isn't me anymore. I look at old pictures of myself and wonder why did I let myself get that bad? Why didn't someone step in earlier? Then I think, people did try I was just the rebellious teen that was too pigheaded to listen. I have no one to blame but myself. No one forced that twinkie down my throat or said you must eat this Whopper or something bad is going to happen. I did it willingly. I am coming to grips with my food addiction but am taking baby steps.

January 30 2011

It has been awhile since I updated my blog so thought tonight might as well be the night.

Weight loss is still doing pretty good. I find myself going up and down a little depending on what time of the month it is. When it is time for my monthly I tend to gain about 2-3lbs but the next week lose it again. So it is a roller coaster.

My incision isn't healed yet so I have been referred to the wound care center and they are trying a few things to get it to heal so I hope it is healed by the time I go see Dr. Baker in April so we can talk about my next surgery to get rid of my muffin top. I am a bit scared about having another surgery considering what happened with the last one. But I know what to do and what not to do so hopefully I won't have the same complications. I have confidence in the doctor at the wound care center I think he knows what he is doing.